Who’s that person in your life that’s tough to deal with? You know, the one you don’t get along with very well? That one person who rubs you the wrong way?
We all have a few of these people cross our paths now and then. So, what do we do with them? If God called us to “love one another,” how do we live that out in real life with the people that are the hardest to love?
Here’s a quick story and 3 tips that may help as you deal with those challenging relationships.
I met this girl once. She was severely depressed and had been for about 7 years. She’d lived in this story for so long that she couldn’t drum up energy or “want to” to do anything anymore – laundry, dishes, straightening the house, cleaning out clutter, even getting out of bed some days.
A variety of meds hadn’t helped. Changing her routine hadn’t helped. Counselors hadn’t helped. Getting a job hadn’t helped. She was flat-out STUCK!
When God crossed her path with mine, He whispered to me that grace COULD help! She and I chatted several times about how grace changes everything, and while she loved the hope I talked about, she was very skeptical. I understood why! She had tried so. many. things. And none had helped.
God prompted me to offer to help her dig out of the blech, and I was excited about giving her further hope and showing her how grace could change everything in her life. But, she said no.
I’ve often pondered why she refused. Maybe it was because she wasn’t truly desperate enough. Maybe it was because she was afraid of trying one more thing that might not work. Maybe it was because some other story kept her from accepting help. Or maybe, deep down, she was afraid of change.
For most of us, change is scary. New homes, new jobs, new churches, new relationships – they’re all tinged with a certain amount of fear and uncertainty. We get used to our lives, and we’re comfortable here. That may sound crazy if you have a life you don’t love or things that annoy and frustrate you. But the truth is, we crave familiar and cling to what we know and what we’re used to.
So while most change seems scary, if we’re honest, the change that scares us most is change WITHIN us.
I’ve come to believe inside change scares us the most because we fear that if we had to change, then something must’ve been wrong with us before. We were somehow messed up or broken or needed fixing, so we HAD to change. And that just doesn’t feel good. Who wants to believe they’re screwed up, much less have to carry around the guilt or the labels?
But what if all that guilt and being broken and “change is scary” is just another false story?
What if the truth is that we are NOT broken, wrong, or needing to be fixed?
(God tells us, as believers, that we’re not.)
What if change is simply a way to move toward MORE of something good?
What if the changes we make aren’t telling us something about our identity
so much as they’re helping us get what we want?
And what if we could reframe the old story into something
that serves us instead of scares us?
I think with a little story revision in our heads, we can turn change into a lovely thing in our lives. Something we WANT to have around. Something we begin to enjoy. Something we see as growth and healing and happiness. Something that lets us pursue more of what we want. Something that brings us MORE life!
That’s a story we’d be happier to live most any day, I bet.
No, really. I mean what if He’s absolutely, 100% okay with you right this second, believer?
What if He’s not sitting up there tsk, tsk-ing and shaking His head, muttering “Sure wish she’d get this lesson so we could move on”?
What if instead He’s gazing down on you in love, saying to His nearest archangel, “Hey, did you see that kiddo of mine down there? Boy, do I love her! She’s fabulous. And look at her with my Son in her – she can do ANYTHING. I can’t help smiling this wide when I think about her.” Continue reading →
If you’ve spent much time in Christianity at all, you’ve heard about grace. But, did you know just how incredible this concept is and what an irreplaceable part of the Christian faith?
Once there was a large conference where religious experts from all over the world gathered to debate what belief is unique to Christianity. They were hoping to find what single truth sets the Christian faith apart from others. Or if that single piece even exists.
As the experts debated, they threw out some possibilities. Incarnation? No, other religions have gods appearing as humans. Perhaps resurrection? Again this was overruled since several religions claim someone coming back from the dead.
The intriguing discussion continued until C.S. Lewis entered the room inquiring, “What’s the rumpus about?” The experts shared that they were comparing Christianity’s unique contribution to other religions of the world.
“Oh, that’s easy. It’s grace,” Lewis replied.
The debaters discussed for a while and had to agree.
” The notion of God’s love coming to us free of charge, no strings attached, seems to go against every instinct of humanity. The Buddhist eight-fold path, the Hindu doctrine of karma, the Jewish covenant, and the Muslim code of law – each of these offers a way to earn approval. Only Christianity dares to make God’s love unconditional.”*
C. S. Lewis’s insight and quick reply intrigued me. To think that the entire Christian faith is built on a foundation no other belief system in the world has. The truth is that God loves us and showers us with grace despite what we’ve done. No matter who we’ve been and regardless of what we deserve, God lavishes His love and grace on us.
Not only before salvation, my grace friends, but as believers too. God gives His love and grace to us freely and abundantly. Doesn’t that make you wanna cheer? Hmm, maybe I will.
Today let’s you and me bask in God’s unchanging grace and un-earnable love and see if it doesn’t fill our hearts to overflowing.
*P.S. I first encountered this story in Philip Yancey’s book, What’s So Amazing About Grace?.
When my youngest brother was small he used to bury his nose in my hair or my arm, sniff deeply, and say, “You smell good.” Only he was so small it came out “You ‘mell good.”
I think of him even now when I smell something delicious or disgusting and wonder if he’s still sensitive to smell. And I wonder if my nose has evolved into as good a “smell detector” as his always was. Continue reading →
An old friend and I recently reconnected around grace and during our musings, she reminded me of an important grace symptom: refusing to care what people think of us.
After our chat I couldn’t stop thinking about this post, written a long time ago during my new-to-grace days. Thank you, my grace friend, for the reminder of this important truth and the chance to walk down memory lane for a few minutes.
My Dear Reader,
I don’t care what you think. But actually, I do. That’s why I agonize over my blog posts until I’m almost sick of looking at them. It’s why I’m insecure every morning and night thinking that I’ll never write anything worthy of you reading. Or if you do manage to be duped into reading it, you’ll put it aside in disgust with a shake of the head and a tsk, tsk, because it really was mindless drivel anyway.
I don’t care what you think. But, I do. Continue reading →
Sometimes you just don’t understand what God is doing. You think you’re going one direction, walking with Him, talking with Him, and all of a sudden He veers you off into a completely different place.
Me, I sit there for a while kinda dazed, thinking, “But, I thought we were doing that over there, Poppa. What’s up with this here?”
I imagine He chuckles a little Continue reading →
One of my grace friends sent me these words not too long ago.
When I was a child I was fascinated at the idea of finding gold or buried treasure and dug for it in my back yard.
Now I am finding [grace] treasure and nuggets often, as you are!
Oh the muddy mess the process has been at times. Oh so worth it, though.
So here we are finding treasure, and let me tell you, it really helps to have a grace friend to dig around with.
Not many days ago I stumbled upon several grownups engrossed in childlike fun, and I asked myself why we don’t do that more.
Why we don’t break away from daily duty to enjoy life more?
The first was a grown man flying a red triangle kit at the park. The kite was enormous – at least three or four feet across – but flying so high it was only the size of a quarter held at arm’s length in the blue CO sky. (I know because I held my arm up to measure.) Continue reading →
I just jumped from my swivel desk chair with a start and raced downstairs to the laundry room to quiet the metallic THWAP THWAP THWAP emanating from my washing machine.
I have one of those still-runs-like-a-champ top loaders. But if I neglect to distribute the towels evenly, the washer barrel takes offense and protests with horrific noises and vigorous scooting, inching the entire washer across the floor with each revolution during the spin cycle.
(Hint: If you leave this problem unattended, the washer wedges the laundry room door shut so you must go out the front door, figure out how to open the garage without car keys which are pinned inside the laundry room, and hope that the other laundry door isn’t blocked too. I speak from experience.)
Some days life feels a little like an imbalanced washer – noisy, scooting us in the wrong direction, holding doors of opportunity shut.
Those are the days we feel over committed or so focused on the small things that life gets a bit wonky.
On days like these we need to grab onto grace and let God reorganize the to-do list– moving this over, taking that out – so life resumes the balance He intended. Good thing He promises all the grace we need for anything we face today!
Dear Poppa,
May today be blissfully free of the noise and distraction of imbalance because we’re relying on Your grace. Help the duties keep their proper places, leaving doors of opportunity wide open, so we have no trouble seeing Your hand at work. And may we be free of agitation, peacefully at rest with the One who never slumbers or sleeps. Amen.
Photo credits: washer girl
I do love a good movie. Give me a bowl of popcorn and a sappy, boy-meets-girl-and-overcome-impossible-odds-to-live-happily-ever-after, and I’m quite happy.
But, I don’t normally expect deep truth there. Until last night when I almost fell off the love seat after hearing:
You’re hoping that when you finally find the courage to trust that your father never stopped loving you, and you tear open that pain you’ve been carrying around, there’s forgiveness inside.
Not too long ago I was struck with a deep thought, halfway between the stationery and the pop at my local grocery store.
Navigating the obstacle course that is the center aisle, I realized I was watching wobbly cart wheels, wan produce, cardboard displays – looking anywhere except the faces of the people I passed.
And the thought struck me . . . Why don’t I really look at people? Why do I go my merry way, skipping around live souls God created? How can I so easily walk past someone without truly seeing her?
I guess it’s just easier that way, easier not to get involved.
I mean, what if they don’t smile back? What if he thinks I’m staring? What if I see something I don’t know how to deal with – like supreme sorrow or listless eyes? What if she actually <gasp> started talking to me?
Or perhaps I’m too wrapped up in myself. Yes, it’s far from pristine, but after all it’s what I think of most of the time – my small, little life.
Or maybe, just maybe, I have nothing to offer them today: no smile, no nod, no hope. Only eyes as empty as theirs might be.
So, I hide behind shyness, glancing at pretty baubles and cardboard – ANYWHERE but at the faces.
Later I read the story of the rich young ruler confronting Jesus, and I’m struck by the little “stage direction” before Jesus’ final line in this scene:
And Jesus, looking at him, loved him. (Mark 10:21)
Here’s Jesus confronted by a man hoping to gain the “Good Teacher’s” approval. Stopped in His tracks by a man eager to brag of the ways he’s been good and done good all his life. Jesus doesn’t laugh at him or nod disappointedly or tell him, “Seriously? You think you’ve kept every commandment perfectly since the day you were born? Oh brother!”
Jesus instead gives the Pause and the Look. He stops and truly SEES the poor, searching, young man. And when Jesus truly sees this man, He loves him.
I want to be so overwhelmed by this same love and grace toward me that I become proficient at the Pause and the Look.
My prayer? That even in a supercenter aisle, Jesus’ love will stop me in my tracks, discard silly only-me thoughts, and overflow onto others so I truly see them, and maybe, just maybe, they catch a glimpse of great grace.
Janna, Grace Embracer
P.S. Have you ever felt like you’re not truly seen?
sign photo: creative commons, courtesy of timlewisnm
child photo: public domain, courtesy of lisa runnels